Sunday, December 27: The End of 2020 Approaches

Hi 2020 is on his way out today is Sunday. We play around with Thurman the cat this morning it was fun. We then talked about food delivery etc. With 

 he pandemic everything has to be ordered by Amazon sometimes Amazon make things more complex need be. We’re gonna 

 o walking. Going to go to Ridley Creek State Park. There’s a lot to see if there is a huge park. 

 ’ve never been to it until this year of 2020. Trump is still holding up the stimulus package he ran off to his 

 lorida Mara Lago estate  while  people are losing their unemployment benefits and going to 



 e affected. But he don’t fucking care. Well we did take a walk but we took a walk in Manayunk

 because we didn’t have enough sunlight. There is more time to each day but it’s still dark before 5 o’clock. Anyhow that was a nice walk and then we came back and I had an omelette in a pita and it was very good. Well Trump decided to sign the stimulus bill in Maro Lago just an hour or two ago. So we will be getting the $600 check better leave the never. Obviously he’s needing attention and he’ll get it to.

Tuesday, February 7: A Most Difficult Day

 Well this morning I listened to the video again I listen to it while waiting for   he bus and on the bus. I didn't order the trolley and got on the L at 30th St. It was not going to curly bad which  was a very big relief. SKUs me! When I got to work, I spent half my morning trying to get prints made. All the   rinters seem to shut down at the same time due to a network problem. Nobody ministration really that concerned about  it. I start off not feeling that great and I think it work would be smooth enough to make me forget how sad I  felt but instead of just frustrated shit out of me. Around noon to finally started   ellowing out a little bit. I was thankful I didn't have one of my 10 appointment days. I might've had to go home. It's a kind of feeling leaf where I feel defective and I'm just gonna just keep doing the same   hing over and over again. Yeah I was definitely triggered by the conversation on the OkCupid. You really got into my world big time.  I don't even know her and and there will  be no relationship with this person.  She kept digging  and digging and digging her until she had asked this question. "Why are you so self-deprecating."Well, that led to her recommending two books and videos about attachments and attachment theory. . This   attachment theory reminds me of certain experiments. One with the steel monkey and one where they take the parents away from the kids behind a one-way mirror. Those ones always hit clo se to home. Well I got to talk in my session. She didn't  think much of the OkCupid woman. She describes her is just ripping the scab right off. 

She emphasized self-care and that's what I did tonight.