Thursday, March 7: Sunny, Late an’ Shiii

Well believe it or not I slept OK but it was kind of free of dreams. Unlike my heart which 

 ctually still has dreams left it’s my head trying to tell me differently. Anyhow I got up at 6:15 AM threw on some
clothes and got ready then be at Saxbys at 7:15 AM at 11th and Walnut Street. There I showed up on time because we both agreed 7:15 AM was a lot easier than 7 AM. Well we got into the whole boundaries, resentment and my ego 

 elling me I should do this or be that or be like someone else who can get a romantic partner in five seconds flat. Anyhow as I said yesterday I got 112 50. I’m 

 ot sure why the exact amount. But I’ll take it because I was down to my last $40 to get 

 e through the last two weeks. Anyhow are meeting at Saxbys went really well I think. We’re

 working on the 4th Step man. Take as much time as I need to for the welfare wakka never quits. Speaking of quitting, right after the state Supreme Court reinstated the general assistance program it’s now threatened again with illumination effective July 1  Republicans

 control the purse strings and it would be part of the budget so they could jus

t remove the $50 million that goes into general assistance. There is a deal to put the money in a 

 ousing agency. So asinine Republicans they suck! I got to work late just signed in at 

 :30 AM. I got down to business. Someone was there since 8:15 AM took 

 are of them and about four others during the day. I just smashed through the

 day. It was pretty uneventful which was good I think uneventful is good. 



 t this point   did put in the one 1250 from Jo. You have to pay an 

 xtra buck 60 to get the money instantly otherwise they make you wait.   that’s 

 ew since it’s always something. Well work ended and I got all but 2 of the 31 original alerts done. That was cool. I then

 suited up and headed to Ocf coffee House. Wes is with his daughter so he’s not gonna be around. So I’m just gonna drink alone as I’ve been known to 

 o on occasion. The meeting is very interesting. We read the story on page 505 but I’ve never read before. It was very simple and direct. At meeting, there was only 2 women there. I then went to CVS 

 o get some drinks and a snack. I did that successfully and then I waited

 around for the 48 for a bit at the corner near London Grill. I came home and just feel like eating and being by myself.

Thursday, December 20: 4th Step, Work, and Rain

Well it’s supposed to be a hell of a rain coming today.. I forgot to bring my 

 mbrella. Anyhow I worked pretty hard and got a couple more sanctions in. Aqua Pookie. Oh yes that was what the guy say when he said goodbye on the phone

 at least that’s what I heard. Anyhow I met up at 11 at Locust at the Saxbys and went over the fourth step. That’s pretty intense but it was a good discussion. He  even asked me did you ever wish

 you weren’t born. And I honestly told him no. I never hit that dark space. After that we went to this morning meeting which is quite nice. 

 omebody who had gone to sunrise came to this meeting since Old guys were talking amongst themselves. It’s quite the attractive meeting I must say. The only problem is it starts at eight and ends at nine and I have

 to be at work at nine. Anyhow I went to work and there were three people waiting for me when I got there. I was very lucky that the client who’s known as a  

troublemaker was no trouble at all. After that I knew was gonna be a pretty good day. I gave them two

 more sanctions and that was that. I left work and was very tired but got a good

 little nap been up there about a trade. The horrible rain storm they’re talking

 about really never materialized. Yes it was drizzly all day but I survived easily without an umbrella. Wes was nice and
lent me 20 bucks with just enough for dinner tonight and serial for tomorrow morning. I then get to pay everyone back tomorrow with my paycheck. 
It’s good to have a job that’s for damn sure motherfuckers!!! That’s a word that I

 here at work a lot even from women.. I tend to mark that in my head. Well I made 

 t through the week financially barely but I squeezed it out like something else 

ternal boyfriend got to go. Well it’s the eternal sunshine of the spotless boyfriend.
 Songs are meant to be song people are meant to be happy. And Christmas is around the corner it’s time to buy gifts ASAP mofos.

AA 4th Step as of December 19th, 2018

P.59                      HOW IT WORKS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another hu- man being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and be-

came willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,

except when to do so would injure them or others. 

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we

were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve

our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alco- holics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.

P.64. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. 

One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret.  

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations..

Resentment is the “number one” offender. 

It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships

 

P.65 (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were “burned up.”

On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries.  Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?

I’m resentful at:  The Cause.        

Mr. Brown.             His attention to my wife.

                                Told my wife of my mistress.

                                Brown may get my job at the        

                                 office

                                 Affects My

                                 Sex relations. Self-esteem (fear) Sex relations. Self-esteem (fear) Security.                            

Mrs.Jones.                She’s a nut - she snubbed  .                                

                                   She committed her husband      

                                    for drinking He’s my friend                                          

                                   She’s a gossip

                                       Affects My

                                  Personal relationship. Self-esteem  

                                  (fear). 

My employer.            Unreasonable-Unjust -     

                                   Overbearing- Threatens                                    

                                    fire me for drinking and 

                                    padding my expense 

                                    account

                                     Affects My                          

                                   Self-esteem(fear) Security.

                                    

My wife.                  Misunderstands and nags    

                                 Likes Brown. Wants house

                                 put in her name.

                                 

                                     Affects My

                                 Pride - Personal sex relations 

                                  Security (fear)                                                   

 

😜Mark Krull  • Photography/Blogger

http://mkrull.blogspot.com/

 

I am Resentful at          Cause                     Affects My

So bad             Low expectations            Self esteem

                     Temper                            Relations w/     Women

                  Security

Frier               Not  present                   Self-worth Male identity Self-esteem 

                    

Matilda                Moody                        Security

       Sexual relations 

                                demanding       Self-esteem               Sexual relations